


Say it if it's worth saving me

by verdantspace



Category: Monster (Manga), Monster (Manga/Anime)
Genre: Alternate Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-16
Updated: 2014-01-16
Packaged: 2018-01-08 23:10:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1138560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/verdantspace/pseuds/verdantspace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tenma honestly had no idea what to do or say. He left to France without as much as a word to his friends. A risky and dumb move, to be honest, but when he heard that a person who fit the description was spotted on one of France’s red district, wearing a red dress and an even redder shade of lipstick, he packed his bag and fled.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Say it if it's worth saving me

**Author's Note:**

> This is a non AU Tenma/Johan which I have zero confidence in because their characterization and interaction is just complicated and hard to rewrite, especially Johan’s. I make use of the ending with the assumption that Johan did escape, so this is an alternate ending. I plan on making this a chaptered fic, thus the cliff hanger! Cross posted on [my tumblr](http://marchstrous-wag.tumblr.com/post/73312467088/this-morning-i-was-hit-with-a-sudden-plot-bunny)

Not even in his wildest imagination had he thought that their reunion –if this situation could be categorized in such a pleasant sounding, normal word, would end up with the two of them sitting opposite one another in a dingy hotel room. The room was not the kind he would normally associate with Johan; not pristine, not muted yet sophisticated, not elegant. On the contrary, it was a cheap hotel room located in one of France's infamous red district alleys. One look at the gaudy wallpaper and you could easily guess what kind of activities the room had witnessed.

He settled his gaze once again on Johan. The young man, now at twenty three, somehow still possessed the delicate curves which made it so easy for him to parade around looking like his twin sister. Tenma didn't want to take into account that the sheer openness of the dress was what made him notice the planes of the younger’s body. He was wearing a sinfully tight dress, midnight blue in color and glittering mutedly in the dim lighting. The wide cut of the collar allowed his eyes access on Johan's prominent collar bone and softly sloped shoulders. The hem of the dress ended five inches above Johan's knees, exposing a generous amount of his legs. A man that he was, it was unthinkable how Johan seemed to have the kind of legs a woman longed for; long, unblemished, and just proportional to his slender body. Just when he thought that the piece of clothing couldn't get any more indecent, Johan chose that moment to walk towards the vanity mirror, giving Tenma the view of his exposed back. At this point, he shouldn't be surprised that the dress had a low cut on the back, too, really.

"So what is it that you want to talk to me about, doctor?"

The melodious voice snapped him out of his reverie. He looked back at Johan's reflection in the mirror. The young man was removing his auburn, wavy wig and pinning his real hair out of his face with a couple of hair clips. Those were sharp enough to kill someone, Tenma's brain supplied helpfully. The doctor fidgeted.

Johan was not paying him the slightest attention, too busy wiping his face clean of makeup and beauty products like it was second nature. When he was finished, Tenma noticed that his face didn't look that much different than when he had makeup on. Also, without the added layer, the similarity with Nina was much too conspicuous for Tenma to ignore.

For a while, none of them spoke, the only sound in the room consisting only of the quiet clacking of Johan’s tubes of cleansing liquid and moisturizer. As the silence continued to stretch, Tenma pondered his decision of going to see Johan for the umpteenth time. It actually didn't take long for him to locate the blond this time, nothing like the journey he had to make three years ago. Maybe it was his sharpened instincts or improved researching skills, which he inevitably honed on his quest to find the very young man sitting in front of him.

Abruptly, Johan stood up with a screech of his chair, “Are you uncomfortable because of my appearance? I can change if you want.”

Johan’s appearance was part of the reason, yeah, but exposed thighs were the least of Tenma’s worries every time he came face to face with the blond. The clipped and business like tone rang foreign on Tenma’s ears. Johan was a skilled manipulator, and he utilized not only his knowledge and ability to twist words, but also the tone of his voice. In front of a target, Johan would speak in an easy familiarity that made his victims feel secure and open. Moreover, in Tenma’s case, Johan always spoke with an intimate lilt, as if stating with his voice that the two of them were as close as they could be.

Johan’s current disposition revealed none of the intimacy that used to chill Tenma to his bones. Instead, he had a bordering on bored look on his face, eyes lidded and mouth curved down. The doctor wondered if he should be worried, because even when standing at Tenma’s gun point, Johan never seemed to be void of his charisma and confidence. When the beginning of a frown started to appear between the younger man’s brows, Tenma realized that he had kept silent for long enough.

“I... don’t know myself,” he admitted, “When one of my connections said that they spotted someone who fits the description, I processed my passport and took the first train to France. I didn't exactly... pause and think it over first.”

Throughout his whole confession, Johan stayed silent, his eyes never leaving Tenma’s face. The intensity was nerve wracking, and Tenma convinced himself that there was no way Johan could hide a gun under a dress like that. The more cautious part of his brain supplied that this was the serial killer who caused uproar in the whole Europe he was looking at.

As sudden as a freight train, Johan smiled. A subtle upturning of the corners of his mouth that doesn't reach his eyes. Those blue orbs stayed as impassive as when Johan first spotted Tenma on a shadowed corner of one of the shop lining the red district. The only sign that he was surprised was the slight faltering of the clicking of his high heels, then he continued as if he didn't see anything and didn't faze when Tenma followed him. It was how they both got into the hotel room in the first place.

“Connections?” Johan said, a slight mocking tone tinting his smooth voice, “You sound like a professional agent, Doctor Tenma. Did our little game of cat and mouse made you realize that being an investigator was your true calling? What of the lives you want to save? Ah, but I guess being a defender of so called justice could be considered as another form of saving lives.”

The doctor didn’t have anything to say to that. The accusation was as far from the truth as it could be, but Tenma was always having trouble when Johan bombarded him with questions. He never managed to truly answer anything Johan had ever inquired of him.

“You want to take me back to stand on trials? No, it’s not that,” Johan shook his head, continuing his observation, “Because if you want to do that, you should have used whatever weapon you have on your person now. Or...”

Johan’s eyes narrowed, “You want to see how far I’ve fallen? The unwanted boy, once again escaping his death with no one who wanted him enough to wait for his return. Why, doctor, here I am. Are you satisfied?”

Tenma stood up abruptly at that, “It’s not like that! I... It’s not what you think.”

Johan’s face scrunched up in what could be called a grimace. It was a bizarre look on him; Tenma was too used to the smooth and relaxed expression he always put on in the past.

“Then just what is it that you want, really?” Johan took a step back and crossed his arms in front of his chest. That was the first time Tenma had ever seen him display an attempt of self-defense. In the past, his stance would not waver even when in a burning room filled with billowing smokes.

Tenma honestly had no idea what to do or say. He left to France without as much as a word to his friends. A risky and dumb move, to be honest, but when he heard that a person who fit the description was spotted on one of France’s red district, wearing a red dress and an even redder shade of lipstick, he packed his bag and fled. At least he didn’t forget to bring his gun, which was his only consolation.

The weight of the situation actually slammed home the moment Johan walked inside of the hotel, with not even a backwards glance at Tenma. The doctor was prepared to retaliate whatever move Johan was going to pull once they were in the confines of a room, his hand gripping the handle of his gun. He was once again baffled when Johan shed his long coat as soon as they entered the room, and the only things Tenma found himself facing were pale skin and delicate shoulder blades. He was honestly expecting a gun barrel or a knife.

It turned out those were not the only surprises delivered his way that night. The way Johan acted, his tone of voice, his posture, his whole disposition were just... not what Tenma was used to. Johan had always been an enigma, a puzzle Tenma never managed to solve despite his best efforts. That was what Tenma always returned to, the fact that Johan was out of a normal human’s range that he could never be figured out. The person standing in front of him was not that person. This one actually acted... human.

Human was prone to showing weakness and raw emotions, human was quick to make assumptions and accusations, human was always defending themselves and what they thought was right, human was insecure. Johan was actually displaying these characteristics of a human, standing in front of him and looking like a person Tenma had never thought of him to be.

Those realizations should have made alarms ring inside of the Japanese man’s head –was it another one of Johan’s plots, was he acting like this on purpose, was he only convincing me to think he was a changed man, was he manipulating me to turn to his favor– but none of that actually made sense to him. It was weird comparing Johan with a wounded animal, but it was the metaphor that popped into Tenma’s head. He had never dealt with wounded animals before, but wounded humans were his specialty. It should not be that different, he thought, as ridiculous as it was.

Tenma relaxed his posture and unclenched his hands, the movement not escaping Johan’s sharp eyes. The doctor caught the split second confusion tinting his facade. It actually made him feel better.

“I don’t know if this is what really drove me to chase you down again, because my brain’s kind of not working properly even though I’m supposed to be a brain surgeon, but,” he shrugged at his own lame excuse, “I just wanted to see how you are doing, really. I was the physician in charge of you after the operation, and you disappeared on me in your comatose state. I was worried.”

Johan’s eyes went round in wonder, and for a moment, Tenma truly wanted to believe that the emotions he was showing was genuine. As the seconds ticked by, Johan’s previously tense body began to unwind, his expression returning neutral. Tenma was a bit alarmed by the change, but he fought hard not to let it show on his face.

“Doctor Tenma,” Johan said, his whole body now relaxed, “do you want to lie down for a bit? I want to take a shower.”

It was another bizarre development, but Tenma was too tired to be surprised anymore, so he nodded and sat down. The mattress was uncomfortable, but he settled there, anyway, lying down with his coat still intact. The gun was a weight he found both comfort and distress in, but he didn’t want to let go of it yet. Listening to the sound of water running, Tenma willed himself not to fall asleep.

He was exhausted, but what energy he needed to face Johan once again, he would conjure out of willpower alone. He was always good at that.


End file.
